𝐍𝐨, 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐌𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐉𝐮𝐬𝐭...

"𝑁𝑜, 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑦 𝑚𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝑗𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑛."

"𝑁𝑜, 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑦 𝑚𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝑗𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝑏𝑒ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒."

"𝑁𝑜, 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑦 𝑚𝑢𝑠𝑡 just do it.”

But here’s the truth: they can’t 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐝𝐨 𝐢𝐭.

Can you put on your 𝐍𝐢𝐤𝐞𝐬 this morning and run a marathon? Why can’t you 𝑗𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝑑𝑜 𝑖𝑡?

Because it doesn’t work that way. It takes 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐚, and 𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐮𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 - qualities that develop over time with 𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐝𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞, 𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞, and 𝐩𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐞.

For a child who struggles to regulate their behaviour, 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐥𝐞 𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐧. Every moment demands 𝐞𝐟𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐭, 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐥, and 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 in ways most of us take for granted. They will stumble. They will fall. Their legs will give out. And some days, it will feel like they are making no progress at all.

But don’t, for a second, think they aren’t trying. Because they are.

The problem is, we often only notice the moments they fall - 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐞𝐟𝐢𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞, 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐮𝐥𝐬𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐭𝐲, 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐛𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐬 - because we assume the "𝒓𝒖𝒏" should come naturally. That self-regulation is automatic. That sitting still, following instructions, and managing emotions are 𝑗𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑘𝑖𝑑𝑠 𝑑𝑜.

But for some children, 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟-𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐥 𝐢𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐚𝐧 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐭 - 𝐢𝐭’𝐬 𝐚 𝐬𝐤𝐢𝐥𝐥. A skill that takes years to build, just like the endurance of a marathon runner.

𝐒𝐨, 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐧 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐮𝐬, 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐭𝐬 𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦?

It means noticing and celebrating the 𝐞𝐟𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐭, not just the 𝐬𝐮𝐜𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬. The 𝑝𝑎𝑢𝑠𝑒 𝑏𝑒𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑜𝑢𝑡𝑏𝑢𝑟𝑠𝑡. The 𝑑𝑒𝑒𝑝 𝑏𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑡ℎ 𝑖𝑛𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑎𝑑 𝑜𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑠𝑐𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑚. The one step forward, even when two steps backward follow.

Because behaviour isn’t something they should 𝑗𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝑔𝑒𝑡 𝑟𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡. It’s something they are learning. And just like any athlete in training, they need 𝐜𝐨𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞, and 𝐮𝐧𝐰𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭.

So no, they must not 𝑗𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝑑𝑜 𝑖𝑡.

They must be taught. They must be supported.

And most of all, they need someone to 𝐫𝐮𝐧 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦, 𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦 𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑝 𝑜𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑤𝑎y.